I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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