the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
