I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
