I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
