Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize