im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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