im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize