i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
