why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
