just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
