He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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