Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Randomize
