do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
