These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
