Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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