I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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