I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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