someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
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