On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
