Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
