i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
