I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
