I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
