will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
