why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize