He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
