grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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