That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
porn star boner night. come get it.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Randomize
