We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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