I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
