he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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