My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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