Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
