one two three fourrrrnication!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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