The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
