how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
