highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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