So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
