All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Blood and glitter go together right?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
