I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
