everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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