When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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