I'm jealous of your bromance
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
