i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
