I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
