I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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