apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Randomize
