He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
