matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
