In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
