well I can't set my house on fire every night
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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