Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
