Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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