Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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