so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
