Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
