I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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