A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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