Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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