was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize