Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
