Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
