But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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