Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
now i know why i became what i already was.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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