I want to stick my p in your. b.
she looked like the before picture.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
