none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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