remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
