Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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