One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
