i think my tv is drunk
i just had sex bonerless
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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