did you get engaged???
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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