Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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