You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
