I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
