the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Randomize
