Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
