There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
