bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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