question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
