yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
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