Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
