and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
