I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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